I still can’t believe what I thought so many years ago. How on earth did I conjure up this idea that if a boy wanted to have sex, he loved me? Was it the silly movies I’d watch that were so romantic with the steamy love scenes? The passion was always a display of love, right? Wrong! First of all, I was obviously too young to watch those movies if I couldn’t decipher between reality and Hollywood ,as well as, not seeing that many times the movie clearly illustrated no connection between love and sex. It didn’t take me long to see that my imagination was confused and my hope was in the wrong thing, or person.
If I allowed myself, I would actually be embarrassed by this but I have no shame, it’s been covered by the blood of Jesus.
I know I wanted to be loved and admired. Cared for and treasured. I wanted security and acceptance. Sadly, I was that girl. Even more sad, is it took years for me to see that true love would not come from a man. Let me be more clear… a man who didn’t invest in me, a man who didn’t want to know me inside and out, a man who wanted pleasure without commitment, and a man who didn’t care how my relationship with Jesus was.
I grew up in a broken home with a broken heart. I wanted to live in a fairytale and somewhere along the road I picked up Satan’s lies. How many young girls today are searching for anything or anybody to give them that love and admiration we all so badly want? Once I became more comfortable praying, attending bible studies, and church my relationship with Christ grew. It’s miraculous how He just starts wiping us clean. Little by little as he cleansed me, He would whisper in my ear, “you’re beautiful, you’re perfect in my eyes, and you have a purpose.” Little by little, I began to believe it.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV)
This is what the bible tells us. Isn’t that a good God that defines love this way?! This love is nearly supernatural because how do we love this well when as humans we are so imperfect? See, striving to love like this and praying for a heart like this does get us closer to the real meaning of love. Let’s start asking God for this type of love and the ability to give this type of love, this scripture is a perfect place to start,
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10 NIV)
The word “steadfast” means loyal. Let’s be more loyal in our love and less conditional. And to those who abuse this and prey on the meek, sad girl who is only looking for this type of love, I worn you. I worn you because you are messing with a daughter of the MOST High King. Men and women, boys and girls need an example from us. Lord knows, I use to be the farthest thing from an example but now he’s turned my sadness into joy and my insecurity into boldness. I know that sex and love are not dependent of each other yet both can exist. Mostly, I know, that even in those moments searching for love, I already had it. Praise God!