“The trouble is you think you have time”
Most people think this quote is from the wise peacemaker, Budha but it actually was written by Jack Kornfield. He tells us that time is fleeting and what we do with it is critical. How would Bethany know that day would be the last time she’d ever receive a lunch invitation from her beloved father.
“My parents neighbor was calling me- I knew something must be really wrong.”
I know many women who have suffered loss one way or another; death, divorce, innocence, and more. I also know that each human manages pain and despair differently and it all lies within one choice. Do I want to heal or not? Because let’s face it, we don’t feel better or feel happy when our heart is shattered. We have to choose to move away from it. Some may disagree with this but I find so much power in this one choice and the road it will take us down.
With this being said, I decided to do spotlight interviews on a diverse group of women from all walks of life. Seeking their wisdom and experience in surviving the cliff of eternal sadness and regaining hope and joy in what is.
We drank coffee and wiped our wet, red eyes for over 3 hours while Bethany described the day she lost her Daddy. Last Thanksgiving, he was sick and it was bad…. but his prognosis became hopeful. As their family resumed normal living after a couple of weeks, her and her mother were shopping. As they went their separate ways, Bethany received a call from her parents neighbor. It wasn’t clear why she was being summoned but her frozen body somehow drove herself there. Her body was paralyzed with fear of what she would come to know. Bethany sent her husband inside while she wailed and wailed forgetting her sweet daughters were in the backseat. There is no “appropriate” way to deal. No maximum decibel our screams are allowed to reach.
She finally ran inside and saw that her father had passed away peacefully in his office, beautifully holding a booked titled, Heaven. He had been reading and evidently grew tired. The glasses were on his desk and the book was laid on his lifeless chest opened.
She described that Christmas and her daughters birthday (which falls in December) as moments that couldn’t pass fast enough. There was no joy or peace on earth for her heart was broken and her bond with her Dad was stolen. Her tears fell heavier when she said, “he asked me if I wanted to have lunch. I told him no because I had a lot to do and Capri wasn’t feeling well.”
“I would give anything to have that lunch with him. Anything to have one more chance.”
I asked her what she did to begin healing and her first answer was counseling. Since counseling is still on my “to-do” list, I needed to know why she chose that so soon and was it really effective. She described a time in her past that counseling, with the right professional, saved her and it had saved her again. She also participated in Grief share. Instead of masking her sorrow with fillers she dived head first into the pain that could’ve taken her down forever.
Bethany is a beautiful mom and wife. Long, dark hair, crystal blue eyes and an hourglass shape that would put any model to shame. Her social media and blog may portray a wrinkle free life full of fluffy day’s and easy nights but that isn’t the case. She is human and I think it’s easy for women to invest opinions into what we see rather than what we know but we need to be encouraged by truth and transparency.
Bethany is incredibly kind and gentle and she’s put in so much work into reclaiming her joy and living her life. Her father loved Christmas and Christmas trees and she’s decided to turn her mourning into celebration this year.
We’re all aware of the cycle of life but that doesn’t change the smoke that the fire leaves. I’m encouraged by Bethany’s will to be happy and my hope is that if you are reading this feeling sad and stuck in a moment or loss that you’d choose to move your feet, mind, and resources into a way to heal your heart.
Get to know Bethany better by visiting her website at The Posh Home.